Fun With Wine

I am happy to bring you not one, but two wine-related stories as we head into this weekend. The first comes from the notorious 1st Ward, and Alderman Israel, who is proposing to change the permitted operating hours for wine bars in the MX zone, specifically to allow them to stay open until midnight 7 days a week.

The first thing that strikes me is that I only know of 1 wine bar in the MX district: The Purple Tooth. Catchy name, good cheese, old fire station, fine by me. I just don't like the specificity of the bill--instead of writing a bill for one constituent, how about relaxing the Ward 1 Superiority Doctrine and allowing the rest of the city to operate under the same rule. I think it's a bit of a stretch to compare this bill to Alderman Israel's stance on the 2 a.m. issue, but it's interesting to see how Alderman Israel is willing to extend the business hours for 1 wine bar in his district, yet favors reducing the business hours for the regular bars that comprise the majority of hospitality business in his ward.

The second wine story comes from a letter writer to The Capital. For the ever-increasing new readers of this blog, I enjoy having debates with these letter writers for 2 reasons:

1. These letters writers are either more fanatical, or less fanatical, than me.
2. They cannot debate back.

I have not done one of these in a while. A couple of months ago I cancelled my subscription to The Capital, the result of a joint collaboration of this blog's "save-the-blog-publisher-money" and "stick-it-to-the-man" initiatives. However, I have located a gem on the internet version.

The original text of the letter writer appears in bold, with my uncontested commentary in regular font.

Open letter to Gov. Martin O'Malley:

Since you could not be bothered to attend the Maryland State Wine Festival and present "The Governor's Cup" in person for the second year in a row, I can't be bothered to support you on slots, or for any re-election attempt you may make.

Sadly, I have never won the Governor's Cup. However, I have won the Mayor's Cup, a fictional award that my fictional social club has awarded itself for the past 20 years, in recognition of having the best float in the city's 4th of July parade.

By the way, what an insignificant reason to drop your support for someone!

Dear John McCain: In these troubling economic times with major world issues, I cannot support you on anything because when you had hair, you parted your hair to the right and I part mine to the lef. Dear Gov. O'Malley: I cannot support you, for many other reasons.

Wine production in Maryland is a growing and thriving business. As such it brings in an increasing amount of revenue to this state, which you say is much needed to make up for the shortfall that your tax increases did not bring in.

What O'Malley says about the budget shortfall cannot be believed. He spent us into a deficit by withdrawing $1 billion from the rainy day fund and increasing spending, then "solved" that problem with a special session that raised taxes AND ADDED $600 million or so in new spending, but now there is a deficit again, so O'Malley calls for cuts, but also doesn't call for cuts. Got it?

Many liberals do not understand that raising taxes can actually have a negative effect on total taxes collected, a relationship suggested by the Laffer curve. Not always, not immediately, but eventually. Raising taxes depresses total business output, and encourages businesses to move to lesser taxing jurisdictions (think India, offshore bank accounts, etc.), meaning that the government loses income and payroll taxes. The evidence is too vast for me to enumerate here (mainly because I have a doctor's appointment in an hour), but if commenters press me on the issue, I may be forced to comply.

However, I have noticed that you and your band can play every pub and bar in Baltimore.

Do they take requests?

So I can assume that you're not personally opposed to the sale or consumption of alcohol by adults, just opposed to supporting the entire state instead of just one city.

Have you ever considered a career in politics?

RHONDA RYAN
Gambrills

Dear Rhonda,

I live a maverick's life outside of Annapolis, which is near Gambrills. Please send the wine you set aside for Gov. O'Malley to "The Fourth Most Popular Political and Economic Blog In the General Vicinity of The Annapolis Mall, Annapolis, MD, 21401", so I can surprise Mrs. Politics with a fancy dinner.

Crowning Achievement

A dedicated group of thrill-seekers first started meeting at Ram's Head on Fridays some 20 years ago. Six years ago yours truly was initiated into the youth auxiliary of the Annapolis Sons of the Signers, a name we take pride in for its historical relevance as much as its acronym.

Recently, it was decided by the corporate officers that the group should play a more prominent role in parades, and and a capital budget program was drafted for procurement of fire trucks--the ultimate parade vehicles.

After several years of being the best group in any given parade, The Capital has finally recognized the achievement:

Look closely to see the darlings of the fleet.

4th of July Parade

For at least the 7th year in a row, yours truly showed his patriotic spirit by participating in the city of Annapolis 4th of July Parade. Three generations of like minded individuals formed the Annapolis Sons of the Signers, an organized and well respected social group (and by organized I mean we meet for happy hour every Friday and by well-respected I mean we pay our tab) that recently acquired a fleet of 4 fire trucks for parade and other purposes. 'Signers' refers to the 4 signers of the Declaration of Independence from Annapolis: William Paca, Charles Carroll, Thomas Stone, and Samuel Chase.

Having won the mayor's cup for the 14th consecutive year, I have ordained myself a parade expert, and thus have standing to review a letter written to the editor of The Capital concerning the monumental event.

(Note to readers: the mayor's cup is a fictional prize, conceived by A.S.S. 14 years ago, awarded to the best float or group in the parade. Predictably, we are 14-time grand champions.)

This letter appeared in The Capital on July 12:

Happy Fourth of July! Welcome to Annapolis and to our small-town parade!

Thank you!

In case you joined the parade halfway through, you still had time to see a fleet of Corvettes, five more politicians seeking election, another fleet of Corvettes, a caravan of Mini Coopers, and about a dozen conversion vans, some of which had "for sale" signs splayed across their windshields.

First, the actual meaning of 'splayed' has nothing to do with what you are talking about, so I am going to assume that either you erred or The Capital erred, and you really meant 'displayed'. Second, very astute observation my friend. The procession of Corvettes can actually be seen from space, and the only thing more boring than mini coopers and conversion vans is reading a transcript of the mayor's no-travel-by-aircraft philosophy. As for the politicians: slippery slope, slippery slope. I tend to agree that candidates should not be allowed, but elected officials should. That's part of the deal: democracy: they represent us: etc.

I forgot about the legion of Segways advertising their local business. What about the American Legion? I don't recall World War II being fought on the back of Segways.

Perhaps you could have used a more recent reference. Perhaps the War on Terror. Perhaps, indeed, any of the other wars fought since 1945. I have been reliably informed that, to date, no wars have been fought on the back of Segways.

The crowds lining the parade route would have stood and cheered for our women and men in uniform--both past and present. Instead we were left numb by the meager wave of a politician and the exhaust of late-model muscle car.

I am starting to think that you are just a curmudgeon and would not be a fun person to eat hard-shell crabs with. But then again, I am cranky from the exhaust of an early-model 1954 Mack Deisel Pumper Truck from the town of Orange, NJ.

The parade's failure to honor the real contributors to our society and to our freedom and safety--such as veterans and non elected public servants--is the real story here. Our Annapolis parade has become a car show and an election campaign activity rather than a celebration of those who struggled, and continue to struggle, for our independence and freedom.

I will agree with you here, on the main point of your letter. The parade is a bit of a calamity. Our group hangs banners of the signers of the Declaration of Independence, has a marching band that plays patriotic tunes, throws candy to children, and shows how many people of different backgrounds and circumstances all enjoy in the spirit of our country. We do not solicit anything and do not stand to gain (except in ego) from our participation in the parade. Many other groups, and individuals, just the opposite.

And the band played on--except that there were only two in the parade.
JOHN BURKE, Annapolis

The A.S.S. band held rehearsals and kept a tune the entire time. Looks like we will make a historic triumph next year with our 15th consecutive mayor's cup!