We Must Live In A Boring World

I arrived home last night, whipped off my coat, slung my shoes into the closet, sneezed, and tore open The Capital in the hopes of reading something useful. Boy was I stupid! Here is what I saw as the main headline in the Arundel Report:

No consensus on weekend weather
But all agree that wintry precipitation is on the way

That was the headline. I'm not kidding.

This is not the first time The Capital told us something worthless about weather. About 6 weeks ago, we learned that rain causes accidents, and that we should drive carefully when it is raining.

Yesterday's article went on to clarify just how much is NOT known about the weather this weekend:

"There is a high level of uncertainty," said Meteorologist Andy Woodcock at the
National Weather Service in Sterling, Va. "We are seeing several different
possibilities that could take place. There is definitely going to be
precipitation from Saturday into Sunday. The question is what form it will be
in."

Who cares? Newspapers should worry about things they DO know, things that DID happen, and how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop (I need to know). If you printed every issue on which there is no consensus, you'd have War and Peace delivered to 30.000 homes every afternoon.

Besides, it's not like they are trying to predict the end of the world--it's weather. Here is what you put in the paper for this weekend's weather:

COLD. WET. UGLY.

People will get the point.